I’ve been learning a lot about grief recently. As I grieve and honor parts of myself and let them go. As I continue to grieve those who are no longer with us. As I learn how to feel all the feels that come with endings and beginnings, and missing people, and letting go.

I’m also grieving the Northwest Yearly Meeting, and the Elders’ decision to ask West Hills Friends to leave the Yearly Meeting, for being open and affirming to LGBTQ folks. I’m deeply saddened by this decision, and heartbroken about what this will mean for NWYM, for West Hills Friends, and for LGBTQ F/friends. To those who are grieving today, I want to add to the voices speaking out today and say: You are loved. You are worthy. No decision made by a small group of people and a Faith and Practice statement can change that. Please find people today that you can be with, to remind you when it’s hard to remember.

This morning I processed some of my grief by drinking earl grey tea, and watching So You Think You Can Dance. This may seem like a weird thing to do, and it is. But sometimes weird things like TV shows and tea connect us to our feelings, and to the people who’ve gone before us. After the show was done, I watched the rain out my window for a while, and wrote this poem:

There are a lot of
tears I don’t know
how to cry, so
sometimes the
sky does it for me

Drop after drop of
deep heavy sighs and
sobs, and hugs and
sitting alone

Sometimes grief is an
empty thing, like
looking through
glass at feelings
you don’t know how
to feel, while the
world turns slowly and
explodes around your

Sometimes grief
is a lot of watching
and waiting, and holding
on to the hands and
words of others
because what is left
to say?

And sometimes it
hurts, and hits you
like a crushing wave
that it’s never going
to be the same
that this hole, this
cut, this fracture, this
falling apart will be
with you now, through
everything. That the
ache will follow you to the
darkest darkness, and
burn and scream in
times of joy

And sometimes greif
is laying on your bed
watching a show and
drinking earl grey tea
continuing to do the things
you did with those you
loved, and love, and
will always sit with,
even when they’re gone

Sometimes we’re
ripped apart, and everything
shatters. Maybe the
sky can help us here,
too. Crying our tears
into splits in the ground
and the shards in
our hands

We are not alone

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